Thursday, June 28, 2007

Living (and praying) into the doubt

Bear with me God, and family and friends.
A few of you have been on this ride with me before.
As July 1 approaches, that official day when I will be a pastor, I find myself wondering if I am up to it.
How can I be a pastor? I'm vulnerable. I'm flawed. And, as I've admitted from the beginning, I swear.
I'm human. I fail. I sometimes even fail and hurt other people.
How can I be a pastor?
Since there was no ceremony for local pastors, it's not like I had an official or ceremonious time to accept this role and receive the Spirit anew that will be with me always but especially when I consecrate communion.
So, here I am on the threshold of July 1 wondering if there's an exit, feeling a bit like a bride with cold feet. And this is different from the running I was considering when I was in so much personal pain last year. This is me wondering how I can possibly deliver.
I'm self aware -- aware of my strengths and weaknesses, aware of my gifts and my flaws.
So, I take comfort in the fact that scripture assures us that God works with us where we are, as we are.
Still, I wonder, how can I be a pastor?
May the grace and peace of the loving Spirit of God lead and guide me into this new role. AMEN.

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